So it all started when I was 12, I began to get this deep pain in my stomach. Doctors told my mum I was probably about to start my period. but after 8 months nothing had happened and I was still in pain. I went back and forth to the Doctors weekly from this point. they told my mum I was faking it as they couldn’t find anything wrong with me…

eventually I passed out, collapsed in a PE class and was taken to Hospital were they did a scan and saw a large growth in my womb. at first we were warned that it might be cancer which was terrifying but on closer inspection they saw that it was fluid in my womb.

after surgery they saw that I had been born without a cervix and that my periods had started but had no way to leave, I had around 6 months of blood collecting inside me, the doctor said my womb was the size of a small football.

what followed was 15 years of constant re constructive surgery. some successes and some failures.

my school work was affected and I am only now able to finish my degree.

The Doctor said he was hopeful that I would have no problems in conceiving but due to my extensive scar tissues and fake cervix i would have to have a caesarean. this never bothered me. as long as i was able to be a mother I was fine.

since then I have miscarried 3 times and am still desperate for a child.

my partner is the most understanding man that ever lived, he says he doesn’t care if we never have a child or if we adopt or anything as long as I’m happy.

I am using the next 3 years as my baby years. if by the age of 31 I am still not pregnant then adoption is the path for me.

I would just love to be a mother.

this blog is to record my daily battle over the next 3 years. the highs and the lows. its a way to keep me sane on this long and scary journey.